Progress

I'm feeling quite spritely and happy this week!  I am slowly feeling a little bit more human.  I managed to drink an entire vanilla milkshake this week!  I know, right, totally amazing!  I still couldn't taste it, which was sad, but I was able to slowly drink it.  Progress!

As things start to return to normal I'm filled with an interesting blend of excitement but also a little trepidation.

Excitement, as all those things I've missed doing are getting closer to returning.  Eating and drinking!  I can't tell you how much I've missed just sitting down in the morning with a nice cup of coffee.  I can't wait to have the feeding tube removed.  I've lost a reasonable amount of weight (much to the dietician's annoyance, but hey, I am now fitting into pre-baby clothes...actually, I'm now getting into pre-other-babies-who-are-now-11-and-13-clothes! There's got to be an upside) I'm hoping that once I return to eating real food that that weight doesn't come back.  I'm also curious, thanks to my 13 year old, whether my taste buds will like the same food as before.  I'm looking forward to getting back into my kitchen to bake up a storm with my cookies.  I'm looking forward to driving again.  To going out with my girlfriends...having our girls' nights' out.  Even to doing regular things like cleaning the house again.  A big thank you to my parents for doing it for us at the moment!

Trepidation, as I hope the treatment was successful.  It seems wrong, I know, to think so negatively, but I am almost a bit scared to hope for the best.  I don't want to jinx it.  But given what they've told me of the nature of the cancer, I'm almost a little hesitant to say I'm cancer free.  Please don't misunderstand me here, I'm certainly remaining positive, I'd be lying if I said I was all the time though. Really, these are just those little niggles in the deep, dark recesses in the back of the mind. They usually only surface in the middle of the night when you can't sleep. You know how those thoughts work.